Having Fun Yet?

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10.35 p.m.

I feel so bloody exhausted today. And bloody fed up. I talked to Nick on MSN and we’re cool. Said he misses me and wants me to come back to KK next month. I’m gonna talk to him about the arrangements tomorrow since I don’t have any class tomorrow. Thing is, I was so bloody fed up and exhausted I didn’t feel any enthusiasm towards him. Us. I am not even missing him rite now. Like I said, I’ve been so bloody fed up with things. And then there’s this guy Victor, who seems to – well – like me or something. He even called me up last night and asked if I missed him. Missed him?? What the bloody hell for? And then he asked me again when we were talking at the bus stop. I told him I don’t have a reason to miss him. And then one time he told me that Emmanuel really likes me too. What the hell was that about anyway. I’m bloody fed up. Bloody, bloody fed up.

I really feel like going home now. Or maybe not. I don’t even know what I want to do or even what I feel like doing. I’m just so bloody fed up with everything. College, money, guys. Name it. So I told Chait (when we talked in IRC) that maybe my depression is back or something. Because I feel so bloody messed up. What the hell is wrong with me anyway. And I feel so bloody tired too.

I just sent an sms to Ashwin:
“I was gonna forgive and forget about you insulting my friendship. But you decided to betray me and I know I can never forgive that. Not of anyone. I’m sorry it had to end like this.”

I wonder if I’d just stopped missing Nick someday. Stop loving him and wanting him for good. I know I’m not missing him rite now. I am thinking about him, but I am not missing him. Not right now. Not since our fight about S. Or maybe I’m simply bloody tired. Or maybe because my birthday is coming up. Next week. My 25th. I’ll be 25 next week. I really am getting old for all these shits.

Time check: 11.35 p.m.

I stopped writing and did some silly things with the picture files. Anyway, Ashwin replied and said something like, if I don’t learn to forgive and forget I can never have true friends. Some shit like that. The nerve. I’d rather not have friends than having a friend like him who would betray me as he pleases. People really are just trouble. I’m so bloody sick of this life.

I know I sound so suicidal but I can't help it. I’m so bloody tired and bloody sick and bloody fed up with my bloody life.

::xoxoxo:: 11:45 PM

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