chait. babe. what would i do without you.
thanks.
unfortunately i havent had any spare time for the bloody photography thing yet as i've been bloody busy helping my mom but at least it kept my mind occupied. rite. i'm otherwise fine. as fine as i could be. i'm falling apart. panic mode strikes and i'm telling you it's not good. but my ground is not shaken yet so i'm holding on. do i make any sense? my anger issue is getting worse. i blow up at the littlest thing. whatever. my problem is money. money money money. bloody brother is not providing any. i need a job but cant start anywhere or anything until after raya. mom's keeping me occupied with bloody preparations. most times i hate it. most times i feel so bloody sorry for everyone. most times i pretty much just hate everyone and everything and still able to keep everything to myself. ha bloody ha. i'm becoming more and more quiet. whats the bloody word for it? spend most of my times in my room on my bed reading. useless stuffs mostly. btw i saw estelle in magazine. i feel so empty babe. i dont know what i want anymore. or if i even want anything. i've lost my passion. i'm almost only existing. dont listen to me it'll make u bitter. i need a cold dark place to hibernate or something. shut myself away from the world. i have lost my reverie. i've even stopped writing in my journal. i should be writing some good things down here. lemme think of something.my mom is satisfied with me lately. thats about it. i've been thinking about that poison romeo took. i think it existed. a friend sent me an email and i swear my blood went cold. forget that. i thought i was doing pretty okay lately. but then i realized i didnt feel anything lately. so bloody detached. or maybe i'm just angry. anger is a pretty scary thing, you know.
i'm scared, chait.
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