Having Fun Yet?

RE: I think I like someone

2009-02-01T22:30:00.000+08:00

Yeah.. turned out.. it was just a phase. Cause I met someone and this time it's different even from the 'Colgate' phase. I even got his picture on my phone, and my computer. And his name for my profile =) and yeah.. all those signs in the previous post. Hehe.

In love

2009-02-01T22:15:00.001+08:00

Okay.. I did a google on "Signs you're in love" and so far, I checked these:

1. You’re in love if you think about them all of the time.

Well yah, I didn’t say that everything on this list would be profound or anything. This one is a no-brainer. If you love someone, they’re going to be in your thoughts all the time. In fact, you won’t be able to get them out of your head. Look at the rest of the indicators before coming to a conclusion, though, because this one could also mean that you’re just plain nuts.

2. You’re in love if everything reminds you of them.

Someone asks you to pass the ketchup and it reminds you of them. A flock of geese fly overhead and it reminds you of them. You get the picture. Oh, and for some reason, when you’re in love it seems like every new person you meet or see on TV or hear a story about has the same name as the person you’re in love with. I don’t know why that is, it just happens.

3. You’re in love if you start caring more about your own appearance.

Suddenly, without warning, you find yourself wanting to actually iron the wrinkled jeans that have been sitting in the dryer for the last three days before you wear them. If you’re about to see that person who you can’t get out of your mind, there suddenly seems to be a whole lot of reflective surfaces around to check yourself out in.

4. You’re in love if you’re actually interested in knowing more about them.

You can forget about the days when you went home from a date remembering absolutely nothing about the interests, career and dreams of the person you went out with. Finding out all about this fantastic person is your new favorite thing to do. If you could find a book detailing every minute detail of their life, you wouldn’t sleep or eat until you read every last paragraph.

5. You’re in love if you want to impress them.

You’ve always tried to be modest, but suddenly you feel like you’re a politician fighting to win the most important election ever in the history of the universe. You make sure that the faded newspaper article about you winning your third-grade spelling bee is left nonchalantly on the coffeetable when they come to visit. And you keep them as far as possible from that great aunt who loves to tell all of the embarrassing stories about you.

6. You’re in love if you aren’t as tight with your money or time anymore.

There was a time when the idea of shelling out your hard-earned money to buy someone dinner or a gift would have horrified you. Sure, you would buy an occasional round for your friends or bring grandma flowers on her birthday, but spending any more money than absolutely necessary just wasn’t going to happen. But now, no price seems too high as long as it makes that special someone happy.

7. You’re in love if hanging out with your friends just isn’t as appealing any more.

Remember when you and your friends made fun of the former buddy who ditched your gang to hang out with their new boyfriend or girlfriend? And when the thought of abandoning your friends to spend time with a member of the opposite sex seemed like sacrelige? Well you can try to deny it all you want, but you’re finding yourself constantly thinking about being with that special someone . . . even when you’re surrounded by your buddies!

8. You’re in love if commitment is actually starting to sound like something you could stand.

What, you commit to something that requires you to be faithful and responsible? Oh, the horror! What strange, evil spell has been cast upon you that would actually make you excited about a long-term relationship or even marriage with someone? Did someone slip something into your drink? Are you going insane? No. You’re probably in love, knucklehead.

9. You’re in love if you just aren’t noticing other members of the opposite sex.

Oh, the people you used to stare at are still there . . . you just aren’t noticing them anymore. For some bizarre reason, that special someone has suddenly become infinitely more attractive to you than any other person on the face of the planet. People who you used to think were good-looking suddenly pale in comparison to the one you’ve found yourself falling in love with.

Source: www.romancetracker.com

I think I like someone.

2008-11-08T04:42:00.002+08:00

There's someone I like. Well, I think I like him. I've known him for quite a while. I am not sure if this is just a stupid crush, or a rebound thing, or because I'm lonely, or merely because he's around, real (as opposed to all my anime crushes LOL), and available. Well, I think he's available. I never asked. Not outright. He confuses me at times, though. Sometimes, it looks like he likes me. And sometimes, I think I really like him. Other times, I feel like I couldn't care less. Sometimes I miss him. Other times, I feel like I've had enough. The good thing is, he knows I exist. And yes, we are friends. But here's the thing with me. For years, I've only liked (or wanted) someone I know I cannot have. So yeah, I think I like him, but probably only because I know he won't like me back. But maybe I really do like him. Like 'Colgate'. Well, no, I don't like him as much as I like 'Colgate'. But yeah, I like him.
I think I like him.

Disclaimer: No prizes for solving the riddle! XD

A dose of Daughtry

2008-07-08T07:07:00.001+08:00

How is it possible that people who love each other just can't be together? My guess is that it's never meant to be in the first place. Life works in a funny way. It takes you in, turns you upside down, breaks you up and just leave you out in the cold.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, eh. Funny.

Bridges by Lifehouse

I'ts such a shame to let this go to waste
There's little time left here for saving face
We tried to put a bandage on these years
I know this isn't what you want to hear
You can say what you like
Pass the blame I don't mind because

We both lit the match that burned the bridge
We both lit the match and watched our bridges burn down

Our common ground was broken long ago
What slipped thru the cracks
I fear we'll never know
I'll walk you thru the graveyard of my mind
Show you a love that I buried alive

Cuz we both walked away
Who was wrong, who's to say I know

We both lit the match that burned the bridge
We both lit the match and watched our bridges burn down

A few years ago, I found this lovely piece somewhere on the net.

Haunted Lullaby by Orions Moon

Endless tears fall like rain tonight
as the hour grows dark and I
think of the bitter past
and the memories
you haunt.

Passing through
the silver mirror of fate,
the impossible reflection darkens
to let only ashes of who we used to be
seep through the endless cracks of sorrow.

I am bound to this world of pain by a tie that twists and cuts
my soul, leaving it to bleed crimson rivers
of agony and loss.

Here, I feel all the heartache I hold
manifest into darkened shadows,
gracefully dancing to a haunted lullaby
that only hold the visions of a past I left behind.

.. the Crying Imperfection..

Naruto Personality Test : Which Evil Naruto Character Are You?

2008-06-27T01:22:00.001+08:00

Sports Cars and Itachi
Your results are in! You're the coolest evil guy in our book! At 13, you became chief of the Konoha ANBU team and killed your entire clan save your little brother. You're an extrememly dangerous wanted S-class criminal and a member of the Akatsuki organisation. Shrouded with mystery, you are the intriquing Uchiha Itachi.

In real life you are probably a cool sports car salesman. You are likely to drive a BMW 330Ci, a Subaru WRX or whatever sports car that reeks of sleekness. Sitting behind the wheel of your sports car, you race through the streets in quiet confidence. Whatever your job is, you always look good and you have an affinity with sharks. However, you hate your family.
Likely occupations: (Sports Car Dealer)
Sports car dealer
BMW salesman
Ferrari F1 racer
Sports car engine designer
Pilot

^-^
Also taken at Naruto Fever. I'm so cool even when I'm evil LOL

My True Love

2008-06-27T01:05:00.001+08:00

I took this Love Compatibility Test at Naruto Fever and it tells me my true love is Hatake Kakashi! Talk about dream comes true? Haha.

Well, dreams can come true, but first, you got to have them ^-^

Be the change you want to see in the world.

2008-03-26T03:33:00.003+08:00

Earlier this week I noticed they've put up a 'Wishing Well' at the main lobby. But I've been too busy to make a stop. My first thought was that it must've been one of their money-making schemes (heh) because from what I've understood, wishing well is a place where you make a wish (and hoping it would come true someday). Yesterday afternoon, however, I had some spare time so I decided to take a look. The first thing my eyes fell on was the line on the signboard that says "INTI Project... bla bla bla". I almost left because I smugly thought that my assumption was correct. And then I noticed the banner on the left and turned to read. I almost slapped myself silly. Ha. Ha. It was a charity project to help the Sarawak Children Cancer foundation (or was it Society). Bah. I shed a tear.

Amidst all the fuss about the 'new government' issues everywhere in this 'new nation', humanity still exists. It touched me. Personally I think it's about time the people of this country focus on what is more important than their own personal agenda. Everybody (well, if you're not among these people, please do not assume that I am including you in 'everybody') seems to be fussing about the racism issue and racism issue only. It's true that it is crucial in order for us to stand as one (so to speak). But for decades, we (excluding me and those who did/do not participate) have been addressing this issue head on over and over and over again, but there is still no change. "The people have spoken", they say. I wonder why is it, then, that we are still facing the same problem? Yes, singular. I didn't make a typo or grammatical error there. There is still no change and we are still debating over the same issue. Yes, singular. ISSUE. We have not moved even an inch from where we have started decades ago, darlings. Perhaps we could try on a different, and new approach? But then again, that's just my two cents. Nobody has to agree or even take note of it. I just don't get why everybody is focusing on why the bridge is broken instead of channeling all the energy on finding the best solution to get it fixed.

"Be part of the solution. Be the change you want to see in the world."

Bah.

2007-10-29T19:15:00.001+08:00

Recently a friend asked me a question, "what do you miss the most? or who?" and I couldn't answer. It just hit me then. There's no one I'm missing. Not that I am surrounded by all the people I want to be with. I just don't find myself missing anyone. Surprisingly, not even Billy. There's a void in my heart I can't even begin to fathom. For the past few weeks I've been living life on autopilot. It feels somewhat familiar. I wonder if I'd start hating everyone and everything soon. "Been there, done that".
What do I miss the most, then? In all honesty, at this moment (and for the past few weeks), just Nomol. Everything else just seems to bore me out. Bah. It's probably just the hormones talking. But I must be really whacked if it's been the hormones since the past few weeks.
I don't want to go home. I don't want to stay here either. I'd just kill myself going crazy. But there's nothing good at home. I certainly don't feel like going back to that broken place. Maybe I am running away from my problems. But what the heck. It's not even my real problem in the first place. I've been coping with it for years. Even when I don't have to. Even when I don't want to. It's bound to take a toll on me somehow. And why do I have to be responsible for other people's mess, anyway? There has got to be a law or rule for that somewhere.
For some reason, people around me seem to be keen on finding the right definition for 'Friends' and 'Friendship'. Or at least the "right" ones for them. I don't really know what my definitions are for those. Or if I even have any. I don't even know if I even care. Of course, my dear friends, all of you mean something to me. There is always something. But does it mean I have to declare it to the world? And if I refuse to do that, does it mean I don't care? Does it mean I am not a good friend? And what of love, then. It really irks me when some people insist on me placing my 'love' somewhere. On someone. Anyone. Why, may I ask? I do not really believe I am capable of loving. But even if I am, does it mean I have to justify and declare it to the world?
I don't even know how I got here. I was writing about something else, wasn't I. Bah. Whatever.

Second time around

2007-06-16T17:16:00.000+08:00

I've been doing some screen capture of two of my favorite anime: Naruto & Bleach. I've just realized recently that I've become quite obsessed (or something like that) with anime (or at least those two). I've been intending to write something about them and posts 'em beautiful pictures. Maybe I should start with the coolest guy from Bleach: Kuchiki Byakuya.

Isn't he gorgeous? He's my favourite Captain from the Gotei 13. This scene is taken from the episode (I forgot the number) when Byakuya and his vice captain, Abarai Renji went to the real world to take Rukia (Byakuya's sister) back to Soul Society - resulting in Ichigo getting seriously injured and almost died (he was saved by Urahara).

This is Kuchiki Rukia:

I haven't taken any decent picture of hers yet.. so this will have to do for now.

Next, comes Abarai Renji:

A picture of Renji with his Shikai: Zabimaru. He almost defeated Ichigo.

And finally for this opening entry, Kurosaki Ichigo. THE man of Bleach.

He was taking a leak (and Rukia was already missing - she ran away, but Ichido didn't know). I know he doesn't look like much here, but he's really strong - his father is.. was, a shinigami too. Oh, here's another one where he found Kon (a "damaged" modified soul) tied (taped, actually) to the base of the toilet bowl (eww) by Rukia =p

He kept asking Kon some questions for a while before he finally released him (poor Kon).
Well, there'll be more of them next time, I guess. Need to sort out that messy picture file (I can't find anything I want fast enuff - talk about disorganized!)

Anime deprivation level: 10/10 (=.=")
*I seriously need to get my hands on some real soon

silentbob- da man

2007-03-23T00:20:00.000+08:00

Okay so I got the Jigoku Shoujo vid, the Shaun clip and the cbox up properly. Now let's see some conversations I had with silentbob- (apparently he isn't so silent after all). He randomly answered everyone, actually. Not just me.

#1
[22:25] @enat-: becos silentbob- is not a bot
[22:25] * Annaspectre finds how
[22:25] silentbob-: Mothers are screaming
[22:25] Diospectre: :S
[22:26] Diospectre: How about father, silentbob-?
[22:26] silentbob-: Do You Want to See the Bed in Flames?
[22:26] * @enat- laughs out loud

#2
[15:32] * ChanServ sets mode: +o enat-
[15:35] silentbob-: that was funny dood.
[15:36] @enat-: yuh plenty funny
[15:36] silentbob-: i am not talking to you
[15:36] @enat-: wtf
[15:36] @enat-: u can shut up now
[15:38] silentbob-: i'm silentbob! i'm da man!
[15:38] silentbob-: i am fine. now go away

#3
[17:55] @enat-: u banned new zealand!!
[17:55] @enat-: gay ass
[17:55] @enat-: pfft
[17:55] * Joins: silentbob-
[17:56] silentbob-: you shut up. yes, you
[17:56] @jChris: quite ironic coming from someone with your nickname
[17:56] @enat-: wats wrong with my nickname?
[17:56] silentbob-: what are you thinking?
[17:57] @jChris: the unthinkable.
[17:57] silentbob-: i'm silentbob! i'm da man!
[17:59] silentbob-: who are you asking?
[17:59] @jChris: importantly, who are you talking to?
[17:59] silentbob-: *sigh* i give up!
[17:59] silentbob-: (=.=")
[17:59] * Parts: silentbob- (.:§imon:. (05:59))
[17:59] * @enat- laughs out loud
[18:00]@enat-: that went well

#4
[18:48] @enat-: OMG i am bored
[18:48] @werewolf: i'd like to insert here now -> (_x_)
[18:49] * Joins: silentbob-
[18:49] @enat-: i want my bitch here for 2 minutes
[18:49] * Joins: Hndr
[18:49] silentbob-: you can try harder, you know
[18:49] @werewolf: who? Hndr?
[18:49] @enat-: hell no
[18:49] @enat-: i meant silentbob-
[18:49] silentbob-: i'm silentbob! i'm da man!
[18:49] @jChris: Hndr's from indonesia
[18:49] @enat-: see he's da man
[18:49] @werewolf: lol
[18:49] silentbob-: i am fine. now go away
[18:49] @werewolf: who cares
[18:50] @jChris: lol @ werewolf
[18:50] silentbob-: you can never beat da man!
[18:50] * @enat- laughs out loud
[18:50] @werewolf: LIKE I GIVE A SHIT.
[18:50] @werewolf: :-p
[18:50] silentbob-: that was funny dood.
[18:50] @enat-: lol
[18:50] @enat-: he responds well
[18:50] silentbob-: you broke my heart.
[18:50] silentbob-: you shut up. yes, you
[18:50] * Parts: Hndr
[18:50] * werewolf sets mode: +b *!*@222.124.60.196
[18:50] @enat-: ah time to make him leave
[18:50]@werewolf: heh
[18:50]@werewolf: what did i say
[18:51] silentbob-: yeah yeah whatever.
[18:51] @werewolf: AZZHOLES.
[18:51] silentbob-: pass the goddamn salt!
[18:51] * Parts: silentbob- (fuck you too .:§imon:. (06:51))
[18:51] * @enat- laughs
[18:51] @werewolf: not only is silentbob noisy, but it's quite rude as well.
[18:52] @werewolf: kinda like jChris
[18:52] @jChris: LOL
[18:52] @werewolf: :-x
[18:52] @enat-: bo
[18:52] @enat-: boy u like that dont u
[18:52] @enat-: well u arent allowed to rape silentbob
[18:52] @werewolf: yes
[18:52] @werewolf: spank him please.
[18:52] * Quits: +BlueRobe (Quit: )
[18:52] @jChris: i think there's a little bit of silentbob- in us all, in werewolf especially
[18:53] @werewolf: nah
[18:53] @werewolf: hardly.

That's about it for now. Haven't talked to silentbob- for a while now. I sent Syaz a birthday message and turned out I got the date wrong (gonna wish him again tomorrow) - sad thing is, he didn't even know it was ME! (woot!) He asked why I'm using Celcom and said he only had my Maxis number (woot!) I've never used Maxis ever. I've used Digi once, but only for a very short period. Hmm..

[12:54] * +enat- writes a Death-Note
[12:55] * Quits: Cutegal22 (Read error: Operation timed out)
[12:55] * Quits: Death-Note (Read error: Operation timed out)
[12:55] * Joins: enduk
[12:55] +enat-: =o

Well, doesn't really matter heh. Not like he's forgotten who I am.
OH! Cannot believe I almost forgot to mention this, but I have FINALLY figured out the comment link thing! Yay for me =D

Jigoku Shoujo

2007-03-22T23:19:00.000+08:00

One of my all-time favourite video. This one is of Jigoku Shoujo opening theme:
Sakasama no Chou (The Inverted Butterfly)

Shape-up with Shaun

2007-03-22T22:20:00.000+08:00

Wanna see more? Check them out here.

First channel screenshot

2007-02-07T04:49:00.000+08:00

#desnudo on February 7th, 2007 (time indicated as so).
... and its not even related to what I talk about here.
It's 3.30 a.m. and I should be studying for tomorrow's.. no, today's quiz actually. But I just don't fuckin' feel like it. Spent more time than I'd liked trying to figure out why I couldn't connect to IRC-Friends using .:§imon:.
Been feeling like shit for the past few weeks.. funny thing is I've been the one listenin to other people's shit and trying to make them feel better while trying (yes, I am loving the freedom of repeating myself) not to blow my fuckin head off. The only ones who listen to me are Chait and Billy (of course). I was feelin dangerously ugly early yesterday evening (as it's already Wednesday by now) and texted Billy without expecting a reply. But he did. The only fuckin thing that has been able to touch me since the past few weeks (fuck grammar). Talked to Nick on MSN feeling like a fucking zombie. Either we've lost the vibe, or my depression is kicking back in full force and gaining speed.
Billy said "I'm always with u, no matter how bad things get, never de-value urself"
I wish he's here and that it's Saturday so I can sleep all day and all night. I need my reverie back. I seriously and desperately do. Feels lousy like fuck. Blah.

Brice

2007-02-05T13:43:00.000+08:00

This sexy cutie is Brice, from Chrono Chross (yes, the video game). And in case you're wondering, yes, he's naked =D
This is the part where he transformed as Brice again after being able to obtain the Dragon Tear (which is required for him to get his body back from Lynx) and performing some kind of ritual at the tower (I bloody forgot the name of the tower) at Pyre Mountain. That's about it (I mean the description of that picture) I guess and I might not make much sense except to those who have played this game before. I haven't finished playing it though.. too many good things out there to try out. I will get to it, of course. And I have been wanting to try out Chrono Trigger which, most of them said, is better than Cross. I haven't had a chance to get my hands on a single playstation ever since I came here (college) and I fuckin miss my heroes.. *sigh*
Hmm.. I should put on more pictures of Brice.. but I can't seem to find any on the computer.. hmm.. let's see if this works..

Damn.. I can never figure this picture thing right. Oh well, at least I know it works. Let's see what else I got in my junk box..

Cute.. aren't they?
Man.. I gotta go find food.

2007-02-04T11:00:00.000+08:00

This is what my recent desktop looks like.
Uh, yeah.. I get attracted to black gothic thing. Found both the pictures at deviantart.com edited and combined them both so I have something I really like to look at everyday. Ha Ha. Oh, by the way, my friend Tabby (no, it's a guy and no, his name is not really Tabby. I just call him that) said I should post this picture (it's my MSN display picture). What do you think, Tabby?

How's that for your likings? Ha Ha Ha.
I got this from a friend. And it's one heck of a picture if you ask me. I am not what you would call a 'blogger'. Not what you would call a true 'blogger' anyway.. I've seen some of the blogs around the 'net and wow.. some of them just blow your fuckin minds up. I don't possess the same amount of passion for this as most of them do. But I'd probably be updating this thingy more often now that I have access in my room. Blah.
Time check: 11:00 a.m.
Fucking hungry and I have to go down to the Tv room later to watch CSI Supreme Sunday. Gotta go take a shower. Later, Simon.
(Who's Simon? one of these days I might talk about him. I just might)

2007-02-04T10:25:00.000+08:00

I found an avatar that I really really like. I ma be using this for a long time. But God bless me, I've forgotten how to put the bloody image at the center instead of on the left. Blah. Nevermind. I gotta figure out that comment link soon.

My longest conversation with Tyler.

2007-02-04T04:53:00.000+08:00

^pyro^: wb ash
littlelittle: thanks
littlelittle: i wonder if they're having fun yet
^pyro^ : you usin dial up?
^pyro^: brb
littlelittle: nope
littlelittle: what la u
^pyro^: back
littlelittle: wb
^pyro^: sorry was finishin up on the homework
littlelittle: so u were saying?
^pyro^: thx
^pyro^: you think someone is messin wit your connection?
littlelittle: u got homework??
littlelittle: i think so
littlelittle: i dont know, really
littlelittle: malas to bother
littlelittle: i figured u closed the account?
^pyro^: yeah i got homework
^pyro^: and yes i closed it
littlelittle: u did huh
littlelittle: why
^pyro^: don't need it
^pyro^: it's not a necessity
littlelittle: then i have got a lot of accs to close
littlelittle: haha
^pyro^: (=
littlelittle: and i just created a blog
^pyro^: can i take a look at it?
littlelittle: there's nothing in it, really. except the result of my personality test
littlelittle: but sure
littlelittle: http://littleashes.blogspot.com
littlelittle: i just started just now
^pyro^: bloggin helps
littlelittle:help how
^pyro^> it lets you have an outlet to pour out your feelins, thoughts whatso ever
littlelittle: i have a journal at home
^pyro^> that's good as well
littlelittle: i dont know how to put up the picture in the profile thou
^pyro^: gotta ask edoraye
^pyro^: she's good with this stuff
littlelittle: i asked my friend
littlelittle: but malas to bother with it also
littlelittle: it's raining
^pyro^: it's kinda troublesome
^pyro^: oh it is
^pyro^: i like rain
littlelittle: yea i do too
littlelittle: on good days
^pyro^: guess we do share abit of some stuffs
littlelittle: dont say it like that. it sounds disturbing
littlelittle: u know
littlelittle: i realised i am afraid to go to sleep at night
littlelittle: not afraid, afraid more like, i feel like if i go to sleep, I'd miss out on something huge.
littlelittle: something major
littlelittle: i'm putting that in the blog
^pyro^: go ahead
littlelittle: already did.
^pyro^: (=
* littlelittle sighs
littlelittle: i have psychological problem
* jb_sleeeeeep gives littlelittle a big hug, then drifts off to sleep.
jb_sleeeeeep: g'nite
^pyro^: i dont get one john?
^pyro^: damn
littlelittle: neat
littlelittle: he loves me, not you
^pyro^: hehe
littlelittle: i need a boyfriend
littlelittle: fast
littlelittle: i'm such a retard.
littlelittle: hey, lets have some interesting conversation, ty
littlelittle: then i can put it up on the blog
^pyro^: got the bloggin bug huh
littlelittle: i dont know
littlelittle: but while i'm at it, why not?
^pyro^: i guess so
littlelittle: if u're at the page, u shud check out the link to Desnudian's Rendevous.
^pyro^: i did
^pyro^: one of your mates?
littlelittle: yeah. a few of my mates, actually
littlelittle: it's a channel blog
^pyro^: i c
littlelittle: 2^Sane
^pyro^: cool
littlelittle: he's a major cutie
littlelittle: with a real brain too
littlelittle: rare speciment
^pyro^: yeah
littlelittle: some girls might go crazy for him
littlelittle: i dont get the sparks thou
^pyro^: hey you want gmail ash?
-- *He just switched from blogging to gmail!*--
^pyro^: 2gigs of space
littlelittle: what is gmail?
littlelittle: i have three emails already as it is
littlelittle: no, four. or is it five
littlelittle: i cant even keep track
littlelittle: so what is GMAIL?
littlelittle: what does it do?
^pyro^: gmail is googles email service
littlelittle: and?
^pyro^: with 2gb space which is alot
^pyro^: you can search
^pyro^: and all la
littlelittle: difference from other emails?
^pyro^: the major differnce is the space amount
^pyro^: you neva have to delete another email again
littlelittle: but i do want to delete irrelevant emails
^pyro^: it's available in 12 languages
^pyro^: you can send up to 10mb of photos in a single mail
littlelittle: i'm posting this in the blog.
littlelittle: haha
^pyro^: hehe
littlelittle: are you selling me something, ty?
^pyro^: not really
^pyro^: it's free
^pyro^: :P
^pyro^: you wanna see mablog?
^pyro^: it's got nothin actually
littlelittle: then why are you so eager to get me this gmail?
littlelittle: sure why not.
^pyro^: just som ron of the mill thoughts
^pyro^: coz i have about 50 invites la
^pyro^: can give to anyone
^pyro^: so i thought i give you one
littlelittle: how come you get 50 invites?
littlelittle: how does this thing work anyway?
^pyro^: i was invited by sal
^pyro^: so if i give you one, you would have 50 invites
^pyro^: it's like a chain letter
^pyro^: http://mizerylovesco.blogspot.com/
^pyro^: mine
littlelittle: ewh. i hate those.
^pyro^: i said like
littlelittle: same thing
littlelittle: i get 50 invites, so what am i to do with those?
^pyro^: you can invite your friends to start gmail
littlelittle: ugh.
littlelittle: i am the world's laziest human being.
^pyro^: kay
littlelittle: you talk a lot about sin city
^pyro^: great movie
^pyro^: i had the comics
littlelittle: really
^pyro^: yeah
littlelittle: what's it about anyway
littlelittle: doesnt strike my fancy thou
^pyro^: it'a all noir stuff
^pyro^: like done in the sixties
littlelittle: what is noir?
^pyro^: the movie is black and white
^pyro^: 1. Of or relating to the film noir genre.
^pyro^: 2. A genre of crime literature featuring tough, cynical characters and bleak settings.
^pyro^: 3. Suggestive of danger or violence.
littlelittle: and i thought noir means black
^pyro^: more like dark
littlelittle: i see i see

*This was when Chait came in so I stopped talking to Tyler and chatted with Chait instead. After a while Chait had to go watch some telly. So I continued talking to Ty.*

^pyro^: me no hug huh DiVaZieeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
littlelittle: everybody loves me and not you
littlelittle: when will you get that
^pyro^: yeah
littlelittle: now, back to my question
^pyro^: i guess so
littlelittle: have you got this channel logged?
^pyro^: yeah
littlelittle: okay good
littlelittle: am gonna need it
^pyro^: which day and what time
littlelittle: not sure
littlelittle: i just finished putting up a conversation on the blog
^pyro^: errr.....
littlelittle: not sure i have enuff the energy to do another
littlelittle: why
^pyro^: coz i would have a hard time if ya lookin for anything in particular
littlelittle: i just wanted the conversation for today
littlelittle: ours and with chait just now
^pyro^: alrite
^pyro^: you wan it now?
littlelittle: no, send it to my email later
littlelittle: when i'm gone
^pyro^: alrite
littlelittle: neat
^pyro^: (=
littlelittle: u shud see that new entries i posted
littlelittle: haha.
littlelittle: i am really bad at keeping a conversationg going
littlelittle: especially when ppl say 'okay'
littlelittle: i wouldnt know what to come up with next
^pyro^: yeah
littlelittle: so u agree?

*Chait came back for a while.*

^pyro^: errr...
littlelittle: u're back already, chait?
littlelittle: hehehe
^pyro^: it's more like i'm confused
DiVaZ: waiting for my housemate :)
littlelittle: oh
DiVaZ: so i'm watching here
littlelittle: why are you confused, tyler?
DiVaZ: so who's this fella?
littlelittle: he's a friend
DiVaZ: wokies
littlelittle: we ended up talking last nite
littlelittle: about trust and whatever
^pyro^: coz i don't know head or tail of that convo
littlelittle: cos i said i wont give him my new number until he got a new hp
littlelittle: so he said, 'u must have had some bad experience blahblahbblah...'
littlelittle: so he brought it up again today
* DiVaZ is now known as DiVaZ[a]
DiVaZ: hmmm
littlelittle: and he's talking abt this 'd' person
littlelittle: i havent the faintest idea of
DiVaZ: okies - i'm off
littlelittle: okay
DiVaZ: if you're still around later ashley
DiVaZ: i wanna know more about this!
DiVaZ: :D
DiVaZ: *HugZ*
DiVaZ: wheeee
littlelittle: oh lol
littlelittle: okay
littlelittle: *HUGS*
DiVaZ: i get hugs and hugs from ashley today
DiVaZ: it's a great day
littlelittle: and i got lots from you too
littlelittle: oh, happy belated birthday, peaches*
^pyro^ looks at DiVaZieeeeeee
littlelittle: get a clue, tyler
DiVaZ: thanks ashley :D
* ^pyro^ walks the lonely road to hell
DiVaZ: don't don't tylerie
littlelittle: hahah
DiVaZ: it's HOT
littlelittle: :P
littlelittle: aww, come on.
DiVaZ: brb all!

*And this was where she left us*

littlelittle: later, chait
littlelittle: see, tyler?
littlelittle: my theory has been proven
littlelittle: they love me, not you.
^pyro^: i knew it all along ash
littlelittle: gimme the link to ur blog again
littlelittle: malas to scroll up
^pyro^: deiiiiii
^pyro^: http://mizerylovesco.blogspot.com/
littlelittle: okay. neat.
littlelittle: i'm putting that up.
^pyro^: which?
littlelittle: the link
^pyro^: kay
^pyro^: thx
* littlelittle smiles
littlelittle: i figured, someone's gotta love you since everybody else dont
^pyro^: awwwwww
^pyro^: thx a million
littlelittle: please.. dont get mushy
littlelittle: it's icky.
^pyro^: i'm just sayin out of courtesy
^pyro^: :P
littlelittle: fair enuff
littlelittle: we're both lousy at keeping a conversation going, arent we?
^pyro^: yeah
littlelittle: i can have coffee with you then
littlelittle: companionable silence
^pyro^: heh
littlelittle: hey! that makes a good title
^pyro^: won't it be a bit awkward?
littlelittle: companionable silence is not awkward
littlelittle: that means we can both be having coffee and not having to talk
littlelittle: isnt that a cherished thought?
^pyro^: sounds alrite to mee
^pyro^: me*
littlelittle: btw, how do i put up a pic in there?
littlelittle: the profile segment, i meant
^pyro^: gimme five mins and i'll tell ya
littlelittle: why do u need 5 mins?
^pyro^: need to refresh ma memory
littlelittle: oh okay
* littlelittle gives tyler five minutes
* littlelittle twists and turns
littlelittle: i am lousy at waiting
littlelittle: tyler, i think i figured it out already
^pyro^: you did?
littlelittle: i'm fast that way
littlelittle: but tell me anyway
littlelittle: i might be wrong
littlelittle: hurry up!!!
^pyro^: http://help.blogger.com/bin/answer.py?answer=776&topic=37
littlelittle: patience is not my virtue
^pyro^: this page will help ya
^pyro^: got pics
littlelittle: oh neat.
littlelittle: i have to post it somewhere
^pyro^: yeah
^pyro^: and you need this hello software
littlelittle: oh well, then nevermind
littlelittle: i figured out abt that one when i started
littlelittle: but i was hoping there might be another way
^pyro^: i only know of this way
littlelittle: and how do i put up pictures in the entries?
littlelittle: i mean, the simplest way
^pyro^: need the hello software alos
^pyro^: also*
littlelittle: ah sheit
^pyro^: it's ez with that software
littlelittle: oh well, nevermind then
littlelittle: maybe i would get around to that when i have more time
^pyro^: i guess so
littlelittle: i still have that homepage to take care of
littlelittle: never did get around to it anyway
^pyro^: homepage?
littlelittle: yeah
^pyro^: you got a website?
littlelittle: i used to put up pictures of me and my friends
littlelittle: uh, yeah
^pyro^: can i see it?
littlelittle: it was a trial anyway
^pyro^: ohh
littlelittle: i was just having fun with the html codes
littlelittle: since i learned it myself few years ago
littlelittle: i dont remember the link.
littlelittle: i need to go to angelfire and find out
littlelittle: haha
^pyro^: html codes, sounds cool
littlelittle: but hey, when i'm done re-designing it, maybe i would put up the link in the blog
littlelittle: yeah, but i never get around to learn more, after i started college.
^pyro^: ic
littlelittle: my course dont teach that stuff
littlelittle: i had to learn everything by myself years ago
^pyro^: what do you study?
littlelittle: comp eng
^pyro^: oh
littlelittle: they give it a fancy name
littlelittle: basically it is (supposedly) training us to be a comp sys asst eng.
littlelittle: yeah rite.
littlelittle: all the cool stuff i knew i learned by myself.
littlelittle: they dont teach a fuckin thing
^pyro^: so what did they teach?
littlelittle: haha.
littlelittle: i dont know
littlelittle: how to assemble and disassemble computers?
littlelittle: troubleshooting
^pyro^: ohh
littlelittle: but they never get around to the cool parts
littlelittle: like codes, and everything
littlelittle: or networking
littlelittle: some of the lecturers boast on knowing shits about networking
littlelittle: they only know the first pages of the books
^pyro^: heh
littlelittle: bunch of craps
littlelittle: when i asked for notes, they'd go like, "that gonna be a lot. i'll give it to you later."
littlelittle: yeah rite.
^pyro^: and they don't?
littlelittle: nope
littlelittle: they're always 'busy'
^pyro^: wtf?
^pyro^: how can they do this?
littlelittle: and besides, they said, "it's not part of the modules"
^pyro^: you are not studyin for free ya know
^pyro^: you are payin money to study
^pyro^: damnit
littlelittle: last year they taught us how to install ms2k, and how to set up the clients etc.
littlelittle: and that was it. that was all in the "network" module
^pyro^: ic
littlelittle: so u can understand why i have totally lost interest in college
littlelittle: i used to go cracks about computers
littlelittle: i still do, but my enthusiasm had deteriorated
^pyro^: hmmm....
^pyro^: it gets lost sometimes in the chaos
littlelittle: i guess
littlelittle: now ppl tend to think i'm a bubblegum
littlelittle: or an airhead
littlelittle: who only cares about what my fashion magazines say
littlelittle: some of the guys were surprised when i talked to them about devil may cry
littlelittle: hahahah
^pyro^: hehe
littlelittle: i guess i dont strike them as the video-game-playing type
^pyro^: but what is the devil may cry?
littlelittle: it's a ps2 game
^pyro^: i c
littlelittle: u dont know video games?
^pyro^: just a lil
littlelittle: owh.
littlelittle: i go cracks about video games too
^pyro^: cool
littlelittle: and maths
littlelittle: and books
littlelittle: and drawing
littlelittle: and writing
littlelittle: i am obviously bored or i mustve flipped
littlelittle: i am telling you stuff about myself. geez.
^pyro^: it's alrite
^pyro^: (=
littlelittle: what abt u
littlelittle: do u go cracks abt computers?
littlelittle: u seem occupied and distracted
^pyro^: i don't know much about computers and stuff
^pyro^: if i have a problem then i get to learn what problem it is and learn how to solve it
^pyro^: other than that nope i don't even go there
littlelittle: owh
littlelittle: i should get my technician cert by now
^pyro^: cool
littlelittle: but no. nothing.
^pyro^: nothin?
^pyro^: how come?
littlelittle: and they dont even get around to give us the offering letter for the asst eng. dip
littlelittle: uh well, it's 'sedang diuruskan'
^pyro^: sedang diuruskan <---- what's that?
littlelittle: means they're taking care of it
littlelittle: which is what they told us months ago
^pyro^: ohh it sucks, really
^pyro^: crappy lecturers you got
littlelittle: indeed
littlelittle: but billy said i shud just finish what i started
littlelittle: else i would start a trend for the rest of my life
^pyro^: yeah he's right i guess
littlelittle: so i am just trying to get by
littlelittle: i dont care shit abt the asst eng dip anymore
^pyro^: but at least finish it
littlelittle: yeah. thats what he said
littlelittle: i just saw somthing abt universal IM or whatever
^pyro^: huh?
littlelittle: it combines msn, yahoo msgr, icq and AIM together
^pyro^: ohhh
littlelittle: i'm having a look
^pyro^: i wanna look too
littlelittle: http://lp.zango.com/?BID=4117
^pyro^: looks cool
* littlelittle has quit IRC (Read error: No route to host)

*And then I got autokilled.*

That was the longest conversation I had with Tyler. Happened way back in 2005. That was about 2 years ago. Just shows how much I'm not bothering with this blog. Ha ha. Bleh I am sleepy. Need.. sleep.. been up all nite to take care of this bloody thing. Why I even bother is beyond me.
Nite, Simon.

hmm

2006-09-09T17:30:00.000+08:00

Apparently Tyler wasn't happy when I compared him to a glue. I wonder what else would stick as strong as that, but nevermind. Ty, I take it back. Urm, you can stick around like urm, whatever :D I mean whatever you'd like. Honey, maybe. But they don't stick that strong. Unlike glue.

2006-09-09T16:40:00.000+08:00

"You are a Vain Geisha! You only allow the richest of men to come near you, and the most successful Geisha to be your friends. You are quite popular among the country, but due to your blantant snobbery, only the big money-makers can get you to attend their engagements. You were not satisfied until your mizuage offer was through the roof, and you continue to offer yourself to those who can meet that price or pay more. Your okiya is proud to have you as its main source of income due to your skills at raking in the money. "

That's what it said about me when I took the quiz 'What kind of Geisha are you'
Heh. I am a vain geisha! tsk. tsk. tsk.

Oh, by the way, Tyler? Thanx for the guide. Urm, yea, this is another fella who says he's sticking around me like a glue too. I wonder why. I am not even sticky.

2006-08-29T18:14:00.000+08:00

Conversation with Stevie

Lump of Lard says:
pam?
Lump of Lard says:
pam!
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
stevie!
Lump of Lard says:
how you pam?
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
good, i guess
Lump of Lard says:
wait ar.. i got some junk stuck in my keyboard.. i korek it abit
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
ewwww

*turned out Stevie got disconnected while trying to get the junk out of his keyboard :~/

The following message could not be delivered to all recipients:
ewwww

Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
ewwww

Lump of Lard says:
okie back
Lump of Lard says:
was some peanut skin
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
dirty la u stevie
Lump of Lard says:
tsk
Lump of Lard says:
my keyboard is the dirty one
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
eeeee
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
its ur keyboard la stevie
Lump of Lard says:
yuh... but its not like the peanut skin is wedged somewhere in my body right
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
but its ur keyboard
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
how did the peanut skin got there in the first place?
Lump of Lard says:
good question..
Lump of Lard says:
suddenly only thr w was not working properly
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
eeeeeeee
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
dirty la u stevie
Lump of Lard says:
tsk
Lump of Lard says:
its only peanut skin
Lump of Lard says:
and its not like it was rotting or anything
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
still dirty
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
i didnt get anything in my keyboard
Lump of Lard says:
i'm sure you'll find something if you really look
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
no
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
i keep my keyboard clean
Lump of Lard says:
you have too much time on your hands
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
not really
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
i am just not dirty like u
Lump of Lard says:
tsk
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
eee
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
dirty stevie!
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
eh it rhymes too
Lump of Lard says:
no it does not!
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
it does too
Lump of Lard says:
try shouting it out loud and see if people look at you wierd.. if it doesnt rhyme, they will look at you weird
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
they will look at me weird even if it rhymes because its very quiet in the lab rite now
Lump of Lard says:
no no youre just making excuses
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
not excuses. you are the one making them. cos u are dirty stevie
Lump of Lard says:
i am nottttttt!!!!!!!!!!!11
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
beh
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
u are too
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
have u mandi?
Lump of Lard says:
yuh
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
really?
Lump of Lard says:
yuh
Lump of Lard says:
come come smell me
Lump of Lard says:
:p
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
eeeee
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
dont want
Lump of Lard says:
:p
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
hahah. i am so putting this conversation in my blog
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
hahaha
Lump of Lard says:
:p
Lump of Lard says:
go ahead
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
i will
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
eh
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
i changed my addy again
Lump of Lard says:
tsk
Lump of Lard says:
gimme it!
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
iamfineandineedaname.blogspot.com
Lump of Lard says:
panjangnye
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
hahah
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
cos its a temporary one too
Lump of Lard says:
any plans to get a permernant one anytime soon?
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
of course
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
but i cant think of a name
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
hence the new addy
Lump of Lard says:
how about "theblogwithoutafixedname"
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
thats just as long :/
Lump of Lard says:
how about "blog8463" or some random number like that
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
i dont like numbers in names
Lump of Lard says:
urr
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
i dont have any ideas either
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
stevie
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
what is the game that has Dante Sparda in it?
Lump of Lard says:
uhh no idea
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
...
Lump of Lard says:
brb find food
Lump of Lard says:
okie back

*after about half an hour he returned with this answer

Lump of Lard says:
going to skip lunch and have an early dinner
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
then where did you go?
Lump of Lard says:
just killed and cleaned one fishie
Lump of Lard says:
to prepair the fishie
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
eeee
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
u and fishes
Lump of Lard says:
and i aint dirty!!!!!!
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
u are
Lump of Lard says:
*some smiley of a smiley bashing another smiley with a chair*
Lump of Lard says:
*some smiley of a smiley bashing another smiley with a chair*
Lump of Lard says:
am not!
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
you are too

After that Stevie decided to entertain me in IRC.

helpful Ruphus

2006-08-29T17:56:00.000+08:00

[17:35] <@Ruphus> @sexy_simon (~fraxinus@219.93.39.144) Quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
[17:35] <@Ruphus> * Moviez sets mode: +l 18
[17:35] <@Ruphus> * fraxinus_simonie (~fraxinus@219.93.39.144) has joined #Moviez
[17:35] <@Ruphus> * Moviez sets mode: +v fraxinus_simonie
[17:35] <@Ruphus> * ChanServ sets mode: +o fraxinus_simonie
[17:35] <@Ruphus> * @BUDD throws keanu into timemachine cpl 100s years into futrue xD and transport him back
[17:35] <@Ruphus> * Moviez sets mode: +l 19
[17:35] <@Ruphus> * fraxinus_simonie is now known as sexy_simon
[17:35] <@Ruphus> <@sexy_simon> fuck
[17:35] <@Ruphus> <@BUDD> wb
[17:35] <@Ruphus> <@sexy_simon> thanx
[17:35] <@Ruphus> <@Ruphus> WB sexy_simon Sup?
[17:35] <@Ruphus> <@sexy_simon> what did i miss?

Videos!

2006-08-29T17:32:00.000+08:00

sometimes I can't figure out this bloody blog thing. And now I have forgotten how I worked out the pictures too. Great.

!bash

2006-08-28T16:55:00.000+08:00

Shuichi: but i'm an optimist
Slick_Wil: so glass half full then?
Shuichi: are you implying i have a drinking problem Slick_Wil?

bash 1619
Seros: fuck
Seros: we were at 7-11
Seros: And amanda is wearing this shirt that says 'wtf?'
Seros: The indian guy that works there said 'What is the meaning of this.. wtf?'
Amanda: I told him that it's a non-profit organization. >:O

bash 3439
dodge: i tell ya
dodge: youre sitting here one minuite, the next thing you know youve just woken up and theres ya laptop under yer pillow...
Lord-Data: nope.. just you ...

[13:31] (@ACDC) "What happens in the event that figure 'A' is attracted to figure 'B' and wants to get married. But figure 'A' is already married to figure 'C' and figure 'B' is engaged to figure 'D' but figure 'A' can't keep his hands of figure 'B' because she's got such a great figure. -- Trapper(M*A*S*H)"

bash 17900
Shadowline: kinda quite in here lately ? What seems to be the problem ?
PovRayMan: fap fap fap

bash 64
Ash: Win2k! ^_^
*** Ash Quit (Read error: 73 (Connection reset by peer))

[15:25] (@hannon) if ya still can't sleep then go jerk off, that'll make ya tired

bash 798
P0SiX: you version'd me because?
Valin: Because I wanted to see if you are one of those damn Microsoft OS users. You are, and you shouldn't have any nick that has anything to do with the better OSes (the free, unix-like OSes) because anything affiliated with those OSes are too good for the likes of you to soil
P0SiX: [Valin VERSION reply]: mIRC32 v5.41

bash 7039
DocWebstr: *cough*BULLSHIT*cough*
Lazarus: Doc, you really gotta quit inhaling all that bullshit; it's not good for you.

small talks on Moviez (eh?)

2006-08-28T16:22:00.000+08:00

[13:16] <@uncopyrightable> i have like 9 emails and all of them are full of junks
[13:16] <@uncopyrightable> why cant somebody send me something decent?
[13:17] <@InferBlue-Dot> cuz u wont show me ur titties,
[13:17] <@uncopyrightable> ...
[13:17] <@Ruphus> brb FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD![13:18] <@InferBlue-Dot> lol
[13:18] <@uncopyrightable> the most perverted of the perverts
[13:18] <@InferBlue-Dot> damn str8
[13:18] <@Ruphus> im a porn addict
[13:18] <@Ruphus> heh
[13:18] <@uncopyrightable> ...
[13:18] <@uncopyrightable> ha.
[13:18] <@uncopyrightable> i am quoting u on that Ruphus
[13:18] <@InferBlue-Dot> he left out a word tho

Ruphus reminds me of Clifford the big red dog :~/

Hmm..

2006-08-28T15:36:00.000+08:00

movie marathon

2006-08-18T07:17:00.000+08:00

06.38 a.m.
I just came back from the Tv room. Had a movie marathon with P. Heh. And it’s raining. Finally. It’s been so bloody hot for the past few days. Haze. I’m currently listening to Howie Day – Collide.

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide
Don’t stop here
I lost my place
I’m close behind

Beautiful song. They have it in One Tree Hill. One of these days I’m gonna get my hands on all the episodes available. Planned to upgrade my HD and RAM soon. I don’t know if I’m sleepy. Don’t feel like it, but who knows. And just in case, I set the alarm at 9. I have to go get something to eat soon. I’m starved. P invited me to the debate practice. He’s been trying to talk me into joining the team. Maybe to get more members in the team or maybe he thinks I’m actually good at it, I don’t know. Because debate’s not my thing. Not really. Not when it involves talking in front of a bunch of people. Heh. Public speaking freaks me out.

Maybe it’s about time I think about things properly. But all this sweetness just makes me feel really guilty. To think that somehow, I’d end up hurting anyone. Because it’s inevitable. Everybody hurts everyone. It shouldn’t have to be that complicated, should it? Life’s too short for all these complexities (Ty, if you’re going to disagree about this, go ahead and knock yourself out ;p ).
I’m not a morning person, but I love the early morning the most. Rite when dawn is breaking. The quietness – the serenity – just calms me down and makes me feel good. One of the things that makes life bearable. But most people miss this. I know 90% of my friends do. Haha. There’s just something really aspiring about watching the world rise up in with the sun. If you’ve never witnessed a sunrise before, pick one morning and do. It’s one of life’s most beautiful phenomenons. Like watching the aurora borealis. Magnificent beyond words. But that’s just my opinion and you can definitely choose not to agree. It makes the world goes around. Heh.

Sweet is the sight
Of her room
Window opened by candlelight
How would you know
Cold winter on the shore
Chills the dress she wore
It's on the floor
Still it feels so warm today
And that's why I'm wondering why
You had to tell me
What's going on in your head
What's wrong
Come around to another time when you
Don't have to run
And when she says she wants somebody else
I hope you know that's she doesn't mean you
And when she breaks down and makes a sound
You'll never hear her the way that I do
And when she says she wants someone to love
I hope you know that she doesn't mean you
And when she breaks down and lets you down
I hope you know that she doesn't mean to
Swing into flight
Over hills.
Over her hills, it's twilight
I guess that's right now
While we're here T
ell me why it's so funny
That you're so funny
When you're mad
Cos it’s mad.
So mad Over now, over now...

I’m getting sleepy and the sun’s about to come out now. Better get some shut eye, long day ahead.
Time check: 07.11 a.m.
Until next time, Simon.

No sleep.

2006-08-15T13:17:00.000+08:00

11.25 a.m.

After taking a shower I went down to the Tv room last nite. At about 11.30 p.m. Lizzie and Linus were watching some old movie on Cinemax (well, I thought it was just some old movie). It was Friday the 13th. Bah. Anyway, I continued watching Tv until 5. We were watching Discovery Channel – Austin’s something something – when Lizzie and the China girl decided to go up to bed. I stayed and watched House and Nip/Tuck after that.

Nip/Tuck turned out to be interesting. Besides, Julian McMahon is in it – you know, Balthazar from Charmed. Anyway, the programme was 1½ hours long. I don’t know whether it was because it was the first episode, or because the programme really is 1½ hours long. Went up to my room at about 5, made myself a glass of cold orange and smoke in the room. We’re not allowed to smoke within the college compound (and that means the hostel too) but whatever. I know I won't get caught cos Aunt Helen (or whoever was it on duty last nite) was sleeping when I went to return the remote. Whatever.

I talked to Nick yesterday and he said he’ll let me go if I’d go back and see him in September. Just the thought of it breaks me. I don’t know why I’m killing myself for this guy when he doesn’t seem to feel the same way about me. Hell, he doesn’t even know what I feel about him. And I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to let this one go. I’d let go of Saiyful before and look just how empty it had made me. And Nick’s the only one I’ve got left. In here. I guess one of the reasons I’m still holding on to this love is because I know that Nick will always want me. Maybe not the way I wanted him to, but he wants me nonetheless. It’s unhealthy but it helps me keep what little self-esteem I’ve got left. Not that he’s giving it much of a boost but whatever. At least with him I know my heart will never be whole anymore so even if he breaks it again it wouldn’t hurt me as much. If I let him go and start over with someone else it’ll hurt me more when they decide to break my heart. Heh. Billy was rite. If I don’t feel, I don’t hurt. I should ask him to teach me how to do it. Or maybe I should just stick with Nomol. Cats don’t break your heart and they don’t hurt you like people do. To hell with mending the heart and shit. That was what Arthur promised me. And just like that, he let me down. And what about Bert. Heh. Made a whole big deal by declaring his undying love to me – and some shit like that – and then just ditching the promise the first chance he got. I know I pushed him away and I didn’t love him or anything, but I let him get close. And I let myself believed him and his bloody promise. Bah. Turns out I do hold grudges after all. This is so fucking ugly.
So bloody fucking ugly. Maybe there ISN’T someone for everyone after all. And love, or romance rather, is just one hell of a fucking bullshit.

Gonna make you like the way they talk when they’re talking to you
Gonna make you break out of your shell cos they tell you to
Gonna make you like the way they lie better than the truth
They’ll tell you everything you wanted someone else to say
They’re gonna break your heart yea
From what I’ve seen
You’re just one more hand me down
Cause no one’s try to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now
Somebody ought to take you in and try to make you love again
Try to make you like the way they feel when they’re under your skin
Never wants you to think that they would lie when they’re holding you
Never wonder why they haven’t called when they said they’ll call you
You start to wonder if you’re ever gonna make it by
You start to think you were born blind
From what I’ve seen
You’re just one more hand me down
Cause no one’s try to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now
(Lay them down on me)

That was from Matchbox 20 – Hand Me Down. One of my all-time favorite songs. Beautiful song. But I can't believe that anyone can ever be that beautiful again. Not to me anyway. I’ll never believe in love again. It’s all just bullshit. MFing tiring bullshit. And the world will always keep spinning.

Time check: 12.15 p.m.

I better go and get something to eat. I’ll have to give Jon the cd key later. Hope it works for him cos it worked for me. Oh, I made some new friends online. Nice stoners, heh. Jon, John, Ronnie, Nix, Adville, Nuke and Donnie. But I haven’t heard from Donnie for a while. I like talking to them. They seem… real somehow. Not believing in that silver lining shit. Not believing that the air smells of roses. Honest to God. And yet still be able to be wonderful friends to talk to. And they don’t mind the fact that I am very disturbed inside. Then again it could all be just a bloody façade. But whatever. They make me laugh. Bah. This just makes me sound so bitter.

Shud I be stupid
If I let you hurt me
If I let you rip this heart apart
When I let you put me on my knees
I’m in a cycle
Curse you’ve put me on
I liked you too much
Hate you but it doesn’t make a difference
The distance didn’t stop you
I don’t know what will
Crossed out you name on the wall
Shred your voices on the flower bed
But I keep kneeling down to wait for your return
Defying this degradation
An act you’ve made me put up with
If you can taste these salty tears
And the sweet smell of this blood
Dripping out on you very skin
Can you feel my arms around you
Can you hear this sadness throbbing with every heartbeat
I know you do but you chose not to comprehend
I can smell you everywhere
Fading out my senses
Obscuring my reasons
Can you catch a glimpse of me
Cause I won't wait outside the door
If you’re just gonna leave me standing cold..

When I told Chait about my intention to switch major, she said I’ve finally found my… what was the word she used. Found my stand (or ground) or something like that (I forgot, as usual). Heh. She’s living proof that humanity still exists. That somehow there are wonderful people around. Why she wants to stick around me is a huge wonder. If any of you out there know this girl, hold on to her and don’t let go. You may never find someone like her again. And then there’s Billy of course, and why HE is willing to stick around still puzzles me to no end. He’s not someone you’d call sweet. He’s not even nice to everyone. He’s just, Billy. If there’s one thing I wouldn’t change about my life, it’s him. A thousand lifetimes and I’d still have him in it. He doesn’t always understand me but he always listens. No matter how stupid or ridiculous I get, he never fails to listen. And he never complains. He never says I-told-you-so. A friend thru and thru. And he keeps me grounded. Heh, I would sound like I still fancy him. But that already had its time and it had passed. I’ve moved on from that (I know at least that much).

I really should get going. Hungry. I hope nobody is offended reading this. Any of this shit. It’s not worth getting offended over. I’m just a hand me down.

Until next time, Simon.

.............

2006-07-18T23:45:00.000+08:00

10.35 p.m.

I feel so bloody exhausted today. And bloody fed up. I talked to Nick on MSN and we’re cool. Said he misses me and wants me to come back to KK next month. I’m gonna talk to him about the arrangements tomorrow since I don’t have any class tomorrow. Thing is, I was so bloody fed up and exhausted I didn’t feel any enthusiasm towards him. Us. I am not even missing him rite now. Like I said, I’ve been so bloody fed up with things. And then there’s this guy Victor, who seems to – well – like me or something. He even called me up last night and asked if I missed him. Missed him?? What the bloody hell for? And then he asked me again when we were talking at the bus stop. I told him I don’t have a reason to miss him. And then one time he told me that Emmanuel really likes me too. What the hell was that about anyway. I’m bloody fed up. Bloody, bloody fed up.

I really feel like going home now. Or maybe not. I don’t even know what I want to do or even what I feel like doing. I’m just so bloody fed up with everything. College, money, guys. Name it. So I told Chait (when we talked in IRC) that maybe my depression is back or something. Because I feel so bloody messed up. What the hell is wrong with me anyway. And I feel so bloody tired too.

I just sent an sms to Ashwin:
“I was gonna forgive and forget about you insulting my friendship. But you decided to betray me and I know I can never forgive that. Not of anyone. I’m sorry it had to end like this.”

I wonder if I’d just stopped missing Nick someday. Stop loving him and wanting him for good. I know I’m not missing him rite now. I am thinking about him, but I am not missing him. Not right now. Not since our fight about S. Or maybe I’m simply bloody tired. Or maybe because my birthday is coming up. Next week. My 25th. I’ll be 25 next week. I really am getting old for all these shits.

Time check: 11.35 p.m.

I stopped writing and did some silly things with the picture files. Anyway, Ashwin replied and said something like, if I don’t learn to forgive and forget I can never have true friends. Some shit like that. The nerve. I’d rather not have friends than having a friend like him who would betray me as he pleases. People really are just trouble. I’m so bloody sick of this life.

I know I sound so suicidal but I can't help it. I’m so bloody tired and bloody sick and bloody fed up with my bloody life.

Now, Now..

2006-07-12T16:27:00.000+08:00

I haven't write for the longest time. Mostly because there's nobody reading my stuff so I don't have the need to update this bloody thing as regular as I'd have liked. Besides, I simply don't have the time.

So anyway, I have finally graduated from my Diploma (yayyy). And I felt so great at the Grad Ceremony. I was also enrolled to INTISAR that very same day. By Mum. One heck of a change of plans and I was not happy about it. Definitely. But here I am. INTISAR. Made some great new friends, thou. Everybody pretty much ignore everyone here. Which suits me just fine, really. Most of the girls I got to know at the Tv room. Oh, I'm doing my degree now. Computer Science. Finally. After years of wanting it, I finally get to do it.

I'm too lazy and bummed out to write more about college. It's pretty much the same. The guys are looking for pussies and vice versa. Not my scene. I'm content with hanging out with Azie in our ciggie sessions.

I'm off. Maybe I'll write something better next time.

the first step

2005-11-11T16:52:00.000+08:00

I have finally gone and meet all my lecturers (they are actually nice people). It wasn't so bad. Wasn't bad after all. Either they're actually nice people or maybe because they actually know me. Well, the important thing is, I'm pretty much settled and I can graduate next year. That's good enough for me. God is not cruel. Even if I do hate myself and lost faith in all living being, this particular ground is not shaken. Never has been and I'm sure never will be. There was a blood donation program but I was late so I wasn't on the list. And they needed MY blood type. It's O. Negative. I'm getting off track.

So it looks like I'd be back to class and gonna be busy as hell next week. And then there's fasting. Hopefully I can pull this off. I still need a job but it's almost impossible. I mean, it's possible, but I'd end up dead. No point there.

I sent another email to Chait.

Scared i might actually end up hating everything and everyone in my life and not turning back.
anyway babe, thanks a lot for writing to me. i guess there's some little faith left in people. i have to say thou, it annoyed me for a while - that's why i never bothered to go for any counselling or therapy session cause all those pep talks and such just piss me off real bad. i get ticked off by those people. mostly because i can actually figure out what they would say to me if i tell them so and so (it makes me think: what can these people tell me that i dont already know? and if i already know what they were gonna do, it's pointless to even try and ask for their help because that's just it, they're not actually helping. just overdosing me with self-help textbook craps). and yes, i did sort of figure out what you would say to me when i sent you the message. and then i read the last paragraph of your message and i felt bad for being angry - i told you i have anger issues. it goes way back. a long way back. and you were right too, i think i know what triggered the negativity and the anger, i've just given up on sorting it out. i dont see the point in it. thank you for wanting to try, but babe, i cannot be fixed. i am so so so grateful that you are still willing to stick around with it. even i get tired of analyzing this. and chait, even if someday you really do get sick me i wouldnt be surprised at all. people drift away from me after a while. the only one that has been sticking around for that long and actually never have any intention of leaving is Billy. i dont know where he gets his patience and faith. so i wont hold it against you. i have to say i dont have much faith in your being around, chait. i'm sorry to say it but this has been happening for years its almost normal. what i'm trying to say is, i am grateful for you being there, very thankful that you actually care, but i wont be surprised if someday you'll call it quits. I'm not saying you will, but I'm saying you eventually just might. There's a huge possibility. Doesnt mean I am not thankful for what faith you have in me, I am. maybe i'm not making much sense to you. just know i am grateful for you, babe. i just need my reverie back. that isolated dark place where i can shut out the world and just recollect myself in all the isolation. maybe then i'd find my passion again because i have lost it. but thank you. really thank you.
nothing hurts you like a betrayal. i am trying to pick up the pieces. i have one belief and that is, in the end, there's nobody else but you. so if you wanna learn how to rely on somebody, learn that you can only rely on yourself. nobody else is there. eventually it all boils down to you. you make the choices and you suffer the consequences.
i'm not sad all the time, babe. i've just lost my definition of happiness. of love. of having faith in people. i cant even remember what's it like to love someone. hehe. let's face it, i'm broken and can't be fixed. but i'll manage, babe. death freaks me out to pieces and my neighbour died recently so maybe it's a contributing factor to my deepened depression. i'm still very much freaked. i havent forgotten how to smile, babe. so u can breath. btw, here's what some of the fellas wanna say to you:
<@incubabe> tell her that i havent been chatting with her for a fricken long time.
<@incubabe> and i miss her!
<@anthraxxxx> oh just tell her i miss
<@incubabe> ask her to get her butt back here.
most of them arent online at the time i'm writing this. so there you go. =) i have to sign off here or i'll just tick you off with my crazy dilemmas. big hugs, babe. you're great. remember i tell you that.

Well, that's about it. I'd review this or something some other time.

Bah.

2005-10-31T02:15:00.000+08:00

At home and I am supposed to be sleeping. OR supposedly watching Tv. What the hell's wrong with this font!! Better now. I don't have a problem posting entries, but the editing, boy.. it sure can wear me out. Correction: PISS ME OFF.
I mean, rite, you're trying to do one thing and it came out another. What's up with that? And almost a whole different codes too. I had to figure it out myself and it took me about 20 minutes. Hah. Why do they have to do that?
Now, now.. I'm getting off track again. If Mum finds out I'm online at this hour, she'd kill me and then bring me back to clean up the mess. Checked my Friendster and I got one testimonial from Asbaidah. Neat. And because nobody's supposed to log on from this PC, it doesn't have IM or IRC and it's still on dial-up! Bah. Totally frustrating. I have to figure out the alignment thing too. Aih~
I've been getting lesser and lesser sleep since I came home. What is up with that. And I hardly feel sleepy too. Scaring the heck out of me. Must be the nerve system or something. I have to wake Bob up at about now too.
Heck, I cannot do a damn thing with this bloody connection. Might as well L.O. and hook up after I got back to Dggn.
Must get back to this.

First time around.

2005-10-26T17:10:00.000+08:00

The perfect male speciment!
I posted this!

This is the perfect male speciment.
You can disagree. He's MY male speciment. Hah. Legolas Greenleaf might be my favorite hero, but Chad is The Guy. He's getting married and all, but hey, a girl can dream, rite. Haih~

He's talented, he's good-looking and he's REAL nice. I should get them to clone him or something. I seriously don't have anything to write on about today. Was just putting these babies up and checking that blog entry from my email. It worked out fine. Neat.

In about two weeks we're gonna have a project paper presentation and I still haven't done anything. My name is not even up on the list! I'm gonna have to go see Mr A about it which totally sucks cause I really hate all these dealing with lecturers stuff. And Slick hasn't called yet. Well, he can't blame me later cause I DID call. N called me and told me about some free course (and they even pay you to take it!) I can take and asked me to check about it on the Internet. I'm like, totally off track and can't write a decent sentence here. Bloody hell. I should just stop here today.

Word for the day: Irrelevant.

Main Entry:
irrelevant
Part of Speech:
adjective
Definition:
unnecessary
Synonyms:
extraneous, foreign, garbage, immaterial, impertinent, inapplicable, inapposite, inappropriate, inapropos, inapt, inconsequent, inconsequential, insignificant, not germane, outside, pointless, remote, trivial, unapt, unconnected, unimportant, unrelated, without reference
Antonyms: relevant

Main Entry:
beside the point
Part of Speech:
adjective
Definition:
not pertaining to
Synonyms:
beside the question, immaterial, inapplicable, insignificant, irrelevant, nihil ad rem, not at issue, not to the purpose, off the subject, pointless, unrelated, wide of the mark, wide of the point

Main Entry:
extraneous
Part of Speech:
adjective 1
Definition:
unneeded
Synonyms:
accidental, additional, adventitious, extra, foreign, immaterial, impertinent, inadmissible, inapplicable, inapposite, inappropriate, incidental, inessential, irrelevant, needless, nonessential, peripheral, pointless, redundant, superfluous, supplementary, unconnected, unessential, unnecessary, unrelated
Antonyms: basic, essential, integral, necessary, needed, relevant

Main Entry:
idle
Part of Speech:
adjective 3
Definition:
ineffective
Synonyms:
abortive, bootless, empty, frivolous, fruitless, futile, groundless, hollow, insignificant, irrelevant, not serious, nugatory, otiose, pointless, rambling, superficial, trivial, unavailing, unhelpful, unnecessary, unproductive, unsuccessful, useless, vain, worthless
Antonyms: meaningful

Main Entry:
illogical
Part of Speech:
adjective
Definition:
absurd
Synonyms:
casuistic, cockeyed, dopey, fallacious, false, far out, fatuous, faulty, groundless, hollow, implausible, inconclusive, incongruous, inconsequent, inconsistent, incorrect, invalid, irrational, irrelevant, mad, meaningless, not following, nutty, preposterous, screwy, self-contradictory, senseless, sophistic, sophistical, specious, spurious, unconnected, unproved, unreasonable, unscientific, unsound, unsubstantial, untenable, wacky, without basis, without foundation
Antonyms: logical

Main Entry:
inadmissible
Part of Speech:
adjective
Definition:
inappropriate
Synonyms:
exceptionable, ill-favored, ill-timed, immaterial, improper, inappropriate, inapt, incompetent, inept, irrelevant, malapropos, objectionable, unacceptable, unallowable, unbecoming, undesirable, unfit, unqualified, unreasonable, unsatisfactory, unseemly, unsuited, unwanted, unwelcome
Antonyms: admissible

Main Entry:
inapplicable
Part of Speech:
adjective
Definition:
irrelevant
Synonyms:
extraneous, foreign, garbage, immaterial, impertinent, inapposite, inappropriate, inapropos, inapt, inconsistent, irrelative, irrelevant, remote, unsuitable, unsuited
Antonyms: applicable, relevant

Main Entry:
inappropriate
Part of Speech:
adjective
Definition:
not proper
Synonyms:
bad form, disproportionate, garbage, ill-fitted, ill-suited, ill-timed, improper, inapplicable, inapropos, incongruous, inconsonant, incorrect, indecorous, inept, irrelevant, left field, malapropos, off, off base, off color, tasteless, unbecoming, unbefitting, undue, unfit, unfitting, unmeet, unseasonable, unseemly, unsuitable, untimely, way off, wrong, wrong number
Antonyms: appropriate, proper, suitable

Main Entry:
insignificant
Part of Speech:
adjective
Definition:
not important
Synonyms:
bush, bush-league, casual, dinky, flimsy, fly speck, immaterial, inappreciable, inconsequential, inconsiderable, infinitesimal, irrelevant, lesser, light, lightweight, little, meager, meaningless, minim, minimal, minor, minor-league, minuscule, minute, negligible, nondescript, nonessential, nugatory, paltry, petty, pointless, purportless, scanty, secondary, senseless, shoestring, small, small beer, small-fry, small-time, trifling, trivial, unimportant, unsubstantial
Antonyms: significant

Main Entry:
neither here nor there
Part of Speech:
adverb
Definition:
unimportant
Synonyms:
beside the point, immaterial, impertinent, inapplicable, irrelevant, nonessential, not at issue, nothing to do with the case, off the subject, unessential

If you're wondering, yes, I AM a fan.

2005-10-26T16:41:00.000+08:00

If you're wondering, yes, I AM a fan.
I posted this!

Yes, I am a big fan of hers. I got all her albums. Oh, rite 'cept In The Zone. It just kinda slipped or something. I've been a fan since her first album. First single. I don't care if the rest of the world doesn't like her or think she's crappy and all. I think she's doing a good job as an entertainer. Besides, she doesn't bitch around that much. Not saying her current image is good role model stuff, but heck. I like her music, I like her dancing and well, she's as pretty as ever to me. I don't believe in condemning other people - like saying their music and trash and everything - just because you don't like their music. Music is music. Music is universal.
They're only doing something they love doing, rite. It's not exactly a crime. And they get paid doing it, so what's the deal, rite. You don't like the music, don't listen. I mean, I detest Aguilera's guts (all that infamous bitchiness) but I still think she's one heck of a singer. There's no denying that. And I listen to some of her numbers. So let's go back to Britney rite. She's like my favorite singer and all, but my favorite kind of music comes from Dido, Lifehouse and Evanescence. Oh, and Marilyn Manson. Gothic rock, mostly. Yay... I'm not totally a bimbo. I passed the validation. HAH.
I must be really bored or this got to be some case of a lagged nervousness. I almost cried talking to Mr Patrick. I mean, he's so nice! If only he's taller. Ha ha. Forget that. So how did I get from Britney to Mr Patrick?

eh, look.

2005-10-26T16:29:00.000+08:00

This is supposedly the color of my heart.
I posted this!

I took some quiz on the Internet few months back: What Color Is Your Heart and I got this. Ha ha. It's half true and at least it was fun. You can take some too, if you're into these things. You know, killing time stuff. There's a link to the right of this page.

It's raining again today but at least I've already went and talked to Mr Patrick. He was so nice and all. I should've known. It's not like I don't know him before. Idiot. I should've went and see him weeks ago. Now I have to go around and talk to all the other lecturers. Bugger. I hope Ms Sabrina will listen to me. Haih~

My baby.

2005-10-26T16:21:00.000+08:00

This is my baby.
I posted this!

That is my Neopet. Adorable, isn't she? Well, actually mine doesn't have the wings yet, I am still looking around for the bloody paintbrush. You'd think I could just buy one at the shops, but no you have to walk around Neopia to find one. But I will find one soon. If you think she's cute, there are like, dozens more you can adopt at Neopets. She's about 1000++ days old now ( I forgot). I'm trying to find more codestones needed for her training. She doesn't like veggies (unnerving resemblance!) and likes to play a lot. She's almost real, eh. I wonder if I'm too old to be keeping a vitual pet. Haih~

I hope this really works out.

2005-10-25T23:00:00.000+08:00

I figured if there is such option as posting from email I think I'd be
updating my journal more frequently. But first, I'd see how this work out
first.

Another.

2005-10-25T19:54:00.000+08:00

I simply cannot resist this
Posted by ME!

My favorite hero.

2005-10-25T18:59:00.000+08:00

Well, it used to be Spiderman. But Spidey doesn't have a beautiful language. A whole different tongue altogether. How hot is that? Well, you don't have to agree with me, of course. Anyway, this is the wallpaper on the PC. You can get it from Council of Elrond. Nice, ain't it. Well, Vince, this is like, the 4th today. How'd you like that eh? I have this bad habit of sticking around the net for hours. I plan on putting up more of him here now that I've got the picture thing covered. I'd have to borrow my mom's camera to take more pictures soon. Not mine, of course. HAH. Putting up my picture here? No chance. I'm not even using my own name. I mean, my real name. But it's okay, rite. Everybody calls me Ash nowadays anyway.

Need I say more?
Posted by ME!

So like, maybe I should stop here for today. By the way, for breaking fast I had chicken and Marlboro. Red, baby. The best. We East Malaysians have the privilege of breaking fast about an hour early than those in the West.
Whatever. If only I had started learning Sindarin earlier I'd probably be able to write something in it by now. Like a poem or something. Not that I am any good at it or something. I've stopped writing any for months now. Heck, I hardly even write in my journal anymore. Not this journal. I have one at home. I have one every year. Yes. How much of a geek does that make me eh? Haih~

3 in one day.

2005-10-25T17:06:00.000+08:00

3 in one day. Not bad for me, eh, Tyler? And how's that to make up for one millenia, Vince? Actually this isn't even a real entry. I just needed to post this thing.

FLTER says:
Main Entry: dislike
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: antagonism
Synonyms: animosity, animus, antipathy, aversion, deprecation, detestation, disapprobation, disapproval, disesteem, disfavor, disgust, disinclination, displeasure, dissatisfaction, distaste, enmity, hate, hostility, indisposition, loathing, mislike, objection, offense, opposition, prejudice
FLTER says:
Main Entry: dislike
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: despise
Synonyms: abhor, abominate, allergic to, antipathize, avoid, condemn, contemn, deplore, despise, detest, disapprove, disesteem, disfavor, disrelish, eschew, execrate, hate, loathe, mind, not appreciate, not endure, object to, regret, resent, scorn, shudder at, shun, turned off

And all I did was ask him another word for "dislike". Not bad, huh? He's always very helpful that way. I haven't talked to him for quite a while and wanted to continue the conversation but he got disconnected or something. Must be his precious PC again. Or the royal connection. Take a pick. Might as well put the rest of it down here. And it's not like I mention any names. Rite.

Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
u know, i'm still not going to class, and i wanted to go see my lecturer today but changed my mind as well and i dont know whats becoming of me
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
so whats new with you
FLTER says:
hmm nothing much
FLTER says:
busy with masters assignment
FLTER says:
taking CCNA in december
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
wats ccna
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
so u arent working?
FLTER says:
supposed to start in december
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
[oops, I actually mentioned a name here so I have to bleep this or he'll kill me], what should i do with me?
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
wats ccna? where are u taking this?
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
so u arent working?
FLTER says:
i'm supposed to start in december
FLTER says:
ccna is cisco certified network associate
Don't bother me unless you're a Sex God. says:
one of these days u gonna fry ur head off
FLTER says:
yes i know

Anyway, I might as well put this one here so I won't forget about it.

Main Entry:
censor
Part of Speech:
verb
Definition:
forbid
Synonyms:
abridge, ban, black out, blacklist, bleach, bleep, blue-pencil, bowdlerize, clean up, conceal, control, cork, criticize, cut, decontaminate, delete, edit, examine, excise, expurgate, exscind, inspect, launder, narrow, oversee, purge, purify, refuse transmission, repress, restrain, restrict, review, revile, sanitize, scissor out, squelch, sterilize, strike out, supervise communications, suppress, withhold
Antonyms:
allow, approve, endorse, permit, sanction
Source:
Roget's New Millennium™ Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.1.1)Copyright © 2005 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved.

I'm a sucker for vocabs. Haha. I kept thinking about the Guy last nite. He's been the Guy for nights, actually. A few weeks now. But we only talked last nite when he offered to walk me home. And he actually knows my brother. Sweet. I mean, he's a bit on the skinny side, but he's really really cute and nice too. Besides, he's a friend of Jude's and them. So maybe he's okay. He offered to walk me home! Big deal, eh, Vincey? But he has been looking. Ditto me. Bah. Whatever. I really should get going. So Vince, I hope this one can last a millenia.
Go read 'em thesaurus!

What luck.

2005-10-25T16:14:00.000+08:00

I tried to get Vince in IRC and guess what, he was there. Long enuff to help me with the profile photo and to give me the URL to the girl with the pussy. Yes, she actually writes about her pussy. Go on and see for yourself here http://www.nozomionline.com/pussy/ it's hilarious. Well, at least to me and a few friends of mine. Including the Desnudians. Tyler's here as well urging me to go and see Mr Patrick. Bugger. Billy's here as well. He's gonna talk my ear off.
That's a metaphor, mind you!
What should I do with me, hmmm? WHAT.

I'm not supposed to be here.

2005-10-25T14:49:00.000+08:00

I found this on the PC. Well, it's not my PC but I thought the picture's really cute or something.
Posted by ME!

Anyway, I just thought I'd post the friendster message I sent to Chait recently as I know I would not remember it if I don't and I don't really wanna keep it somewhere else. Well, here goes..

chait. babe. what would i do without you.
thanks.
unfortunately i havent had any spare time for the bloody photography thing yet as i've been bloody busy helping my mom but at least it kept my mind occupied. rite. i'm otherwise fine. as fine as i could be. i'm falling apart. panic mode strikes and i'm telling you it's not good. but my ground is not shaken yet so i'm holding on. do i make any sense? my anger issue is getting worse. i blow up at the littlest thing. whatever. my problem is money. money money money. bloody brother is not providing any. i need a job but cant start anywhere or anything until after raya. mom's keeping me occupied with bloody preparations. most times i hate it. most times i feel so bloody sorry for everyone. most times i pretty much just hate everyone and everything and still able to keep everything to myself. ha bloody ha. i'm becoming more and more quiet. whats the bloody word for it? spend most of my times in my room on my bed reading. useless stuffs mostly. btw i saw estelle in magazine. i feel so empty babe. i dont know what i want anymore. or if i even want anything. i've lost my passion. i'm almost only existing. dont listen to me it'll make u bitter. i need a cold dark place to hibernate or something. shut myself away from the world. i have lost my reverie. i've even stopped writing in my journal. i should be writing some good things down here. lemme think of something.my mom is satisfied with me lately. thats about it. i've been thinking about that poison romeo took. i think it existed. a friend sent me an email and i swear my blood went cold. forget that. i thought i was doing pretty okay lately. but then i realized i didnt feel anything lately. so bloody detached. or maybe i'm just angry. anger is a pretty scary thing, you know.
i'm scared, chait.

So that's about it. I must have been really stressed out then. Don't even think about mentioning the 'D' word. It makes me shiver just to think about it. Pumpkin said I just snapped or something when I broke up with Nick (before getting back together) about two months ago. He said I need to seek help. I don't wanna seek help. I mean, I don't even trust those people! Whatever. I just wish I can really figure out what's going on in my head. How did Vince find out about this journal anyway? I have to ask him. And I still haven't asked Tyler for his new blog. I seem to be forgetting a fuckin lot of things lately. It's raining again. And I am suppose to go see Mr Patrick about classes and stuff. I hate this. But it's 2.31 pm now. I should really go.
I read Vince's "fruitful conversation" with God. Freakin hilarious. Ditto the Japanese (or was it some other) girl with her "pussy page" haha. Ashruff just gave me another funny site. Well, he said it's the funniest shit to read online. I haven't even started yet. I really should go now. But I'm dreading this. What if he says no? Not Ashruff, Mr Patrick. Wait, where's Slick going with the flash drive now. I need to save the document.
Would you believe it, learning Sindarin is just like learning English, really. It even has adjectives and articles and stuff. No shit. But I still like it. I'm going way off track. Haha. You shouldn't be reading this. Go read this: http://www.jasonmulgrew.com maybe you'll find it funny. Just my luck, Vince is not around and I need that site to the girl and her pussy page. Okay, not need. Want. Yay, Slick left me the flash drive.
Hmm.. do I really wanna go and see Mr Patrick? I know I should. I only have until Friday and who knows what stuff he'll make me do? It might take a week or so to complete his "tasks". Bah.
I seriously should go. That picture stuff is still confusing me and nobody's around to ask. I better get done with the Sindarin thing.

I'm sick of this.

2005-08-10T23:20:00.000+08:00

I had a strange dream last nite. Strange. But nice. There was a guy in particular who reminded me of someone I couldn't quite put my finger on. There was a sense of familiarity around him. Like I've met him before. Which sounds really stupid cos it was just a dream. I woke up feeling weird, but I thought the day would unfold just fine. I was wrong because today people seem to find a reason to piss me off. And I can't fuckin get the bloody song I wanted. I'm sick of this. I meant to write something nice today but well, it just isn't my day today. And I'm heartbroken. I don't know why I bother with this journal when nobody else is reading this. I wish Pumpkin is here. I need to talk to him but he seems to be MIA these past few days. Not even answering the phone. I wonder what's going on with him. I wish he's not 3000 miles away.

I wish I have those pills.

2005-06-18T00:24:00.000+08:00

I didn't write for a month!! And Ty actually post comments. Aww..
I'm on MSN with Dav and as always he got nice stories. But I'm tooooooooooooo lazy to post the conversation. And he's gonna send me something from the US of A. Yay!

But lately I have not been in my best. Been weeks. Some kind of mental crisis or something. Thank goodness Pumpkin's always there. And oh, Alleyza got married. Suddenly. I can't get over it. And it's ridiculous but it bothers me. Hell of a lot. I don't bloody know why. I mean, I'm her bestfriend! Okay, maybe the fact that she got married doesn't bother me as much as the fact that it was so sudden! She called me in the middle of the night earlier last week and said, "I'm sending you an invitation to my wedding." So heck, of course it was a major blow! I don't even know who the guy is, and for heaven's sake, she was (keyword: WAS) still Abang's girlfriend. So I had to be the damned messenger. I mean, Leyz doesn't want me to tell him, but Abang made me tell him. And his first respond was, "I wanna know why she didn't send me an invitation." Oh. Great.

Billy's gonna buy his girl the new Perodua car. Neat. I don't even have a driving license yet. I'm getting seriously fed-up with my life AND myself.
Blah.

what is it.

2005-05-03T18:43:00.000+08:00

I've been so negative lately. And I'm currently hooked on this song by Liz Phair - Why Can't I
I've seriously lost interest in college. I've been losing interest in practically everything lately. The littlest thing gets to me. What is it about life that gets to you so much?

bullshit.

2005-05-03T17:33:00.000+08:00

I received this message in my email few days ago. Some old friend from school forwarded it to me.

"You might be best friends one year,
pretty good friends the next year,
don't talk that often the next year,
and don't want to talk at all the year after that.
So, I just wanted to say,
even if I never talk to you again in my life,
you are special to me and you have made a difference
in my life,
I look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish
you.
Send this to all your friends,
no matter how often you talk,
or how close you are,
and send it to the person who sent it to you.
Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them,
and tell new friends you never will.
Remember, everyone needs a friend,
someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at
all,
just remember this text.." blah.. blah.. blah..

I can't help but think that it is such a bullshit. Especially the "even if I never talk to you again in my life, you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life, I look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish you. ." line. I mean, seriously. If you don't care enough to even stay in touch in the smallest, simplest way with a certain friend, would you rate that someone as "special and have made a difference" or someone you'd "look up to and truly cherish" I say it's totally bullshit. One might not want to admit this, but heck I'd be more than happy to. Yeah, yeah.. life's a cliche, but bleah. There's no reason why we should resort to a total corniness shit like that. If you want that someone to know that they actually mean something to you, you don't send them emails that could be implying that you might ACTUALLY stop talking to them for good. There might be circumstances, right. But if you truly, and I mean, TRULY do cherish them as much as you say so, there shouldn't be a reason why you'd let them wonder why you'd stopped talking to them, rite. Whatever. It's such a stupid cliche. Total pyschological bullshit.
And that email? Totally just some way out to forwarded emails. Shitness. Nobody loves anyone anymore.

Oh. It's Alleyza's birthday today.

Ashwin wrote..

2005-04-20T19:01:00.000+08:00

I had the longest phone conversation with Ashwin the other day. I was supposed to call him, but he insisted to call instead. Talked hell of a lot of things. He writes mean stuff. I mean neat, though he tends to be a leetle bit on the bitter side. But he's neat. I can't find the others. Yet.

The Angel Song

My dearest Angel Yang,
You're the light in my myesy life
Without you by my side,
I would rather die;
For you're the answer to my prayers
You're the reason I am here
You take away my darkest fears
You are my life
And you are my saviour
You are my angel in the night

Angel Yang, oh, Angel Yang
Walk with me 'till the end of time
Angel Yang, oh, Angel Yang
Ring my bell and play my chime
Angel Yang, oh, Angel Yang
Please hold my hand 'till the end of time
Angel Yang, oh, Angel Yang
(I) love you more than I thought I can

You give me light and hope
In all my darkest hours
I thank you so my darling love
For loving me
You're my pride for the world to see
When you're away
How I long for you
I cannot live without you
Standing by my side
For you are my better half

VYSIA

Once...
I was down
I was dead
I was torn
With so much hate
And then she came
She saved my life
She gave me soul
She gave me life

Angel Yang from up above
The light in my dark
My reason to live
The cure from my pain
The Beauty within
An angel so sweet
So selfless and kind
Angel Yang, oh, Angel Yang

She's beautiful
She's wonderful
She's all I want
She's all I need
She's my elixir
And my panacea
She's Godsent
She's all pure

Her love's so sweet
It melts (me) to my feet
Her soft warm touch
Like the morning breeze
She takes me there
She brings me home
I cannot live
Without her smile

CRADLE OF PAIN

My heart's so broke, my soul's so torn
She left me here, she's far and gone
I want to run, I want an end
I need her smile, I need a friend
I'm lost in pain, I'm goin' insane

I miss you, love
I miss you, love
I miss you, love
I miss you, love
I miss you, love
I miss you, love

Were all your words merely lies
I'm drowning in (my) lonesome cries
You're with the man you left before
I'm dying here, sprawled on the floor
I've lost the will, I cannot feel

May you find happiness
May you find blissfullness
All I want is to be your friend
For you to hold and also to lend a hand
May you find happiness
May you find blissfullness

LOVE'S SWEET SORROW

You're the reason, I'm the reason, I'm still alive today
You only grow more beautiful with every passing day
Oh my darling won't you tell me that you will surely stay
You gave me meaning, gave me reason, you showed me the right way

But now you've left me for another and I'm on my own
But I'm happy to see you happy though I'm all alone
Thank you darling for those times when my mind you had blown
I'm going crazy longing for you, can you hear me groan?

Since you left I've been a mess, I'm better off just dead
Masochistic, I'm lying here with thorns on my bed *this is one of my favorite lines*
Plagued and sickened by those bloody voices in my head
I cannot function, I cannot sleep, I got this funny walking gait

Here I sit writing this song, trying to get over you
First comes love and then comes pain, there's nothing I can do
All I hope for my skies to one day become blue
Will you mend my heart if I were to give you some glue?

2005-04-20T16:45:00.000+08:00

jbasil: lets go to a happy place and have sex.
brice: hahahaha
brice: john, i might put that in my blog
brice: lol
jbasil: hahaha
jbasil: go ahead
brice: i will too
brice: lol
jbasil: I only say it because I mean it
jbasil: :p
brice: ;o
jbasil: *hugs*
jbasil: :)
brice: *HUGS*
brice: thats how you hug someone

That was how my short conversation with John went last nite. Seriously non-productive. Maybe I'm retarded.

neat

2005-04-19T14:23:00.000+08:00

I found this on the computer. Somebody probably put it here few days ago. I just thought I'd put this up. *shrug*

What else can you say when you win your second Oscar?
"I'm just a girl from a trailer park with a dream." -Hilary Swank
Unfortunately, for those watching this snore of an Oscar cast (was it me, or did there only seem to be five movies nominated?), Ms. Swank thought of so much to say they had to shoo her off the stage with music cues.

Force is all conquering, but its victories are short-lived. -Abraham Lincoln

To me, fair friend, you never can be old, For as you were whenfirst your eye I ey'd, Such seems your beauty, still(Sonnet 104)-William Shakespeare

We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified. -Aesop

Smile well and often. It makes people wonder what you've been up to. -Satchel Paige

The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any.-Katharine Whitehorn

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. -Martin Luther King, Jr.

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.-Aldous Huxley

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. -Goethe

Prophecy is many times the principal cause of the events foretold. -Thomas Hobbes

Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.-Robert Frost

It is good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure you haven't lost the things that money can't buy.-George Horace Lorimer

Anything too stupid to be spoken is sung.-Voltaire

The multitude of books is making us ignorant.-Voltaire

I am not a teacher but an awakener.-Robert Frost

In memorium, Vic Sussman (1939-2004). Friend, husband, father, author, editor, broadcaster, iconoclast and Internet pioneer. He spoke truth to power.
Thanks to John M for sharing this quote.

A little patience, and we shall see the reign of witches pass over, their spells dissolve, and the people, recovering their true sight, restore their government to its true principles. It is true that in the meantime we are suffering deeply in spirit, and incurring the horrors of a war and long oppressions of enormous public debt.... If the game runs sometimes against us at home we must have patience till luck turns, and then we shall have an opportunity of winning back the principles we have lost, for this is a game where principles are at stake. (1798 after passage of the Alien and Sedition Act) -Thomas Jefferson

Yes, the quote this week is rather long winded but then Jefferson lived in the age of pen, not the television, and so was not enslaved by the sound byte.
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.-Winston Churchill

It's not the voting that's democracy; it's the counting.-Tom Stoppard

If you cannot convince them, confuse them. -Harry S. Truman

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. -Andre Gide

Reality cannot be ignored except at a price; and the longer the ignorance is persisted in, the higher and more terrible becomes the price that must be paid.
-Aldous Huxley

"It's all right to lack convictions than to be blind to your mistakes"
- Ashley Brice.

Today in history (...)

2005-04-18T23:21:00.000+08:00

Apr 18 1955
Nobel Prize recipient Albert Einstein dies in his hospital bed from a ruptured aortic aneurysm. Seven hours later, his brain is plunked into a jar of formalin and taken away by the pathologist. It will remain missing for 23 years.

I found out about the site from Leo. It's really neat.

His birthday.

2005-04-14T12:40:00.000+08:00

It's his 27th birthday today. I thought about calling him, but considering the condition of my phone, I changed my mind. Besides, I don't know if he'd appreciate it or would just be plain rude to me - like last time. Of course, he didn't know then that it was me. And I have changed my phone number, but after all these years, he still has that effect on me. I saw him (or thought I did) two years ago and my heart just skipped a thousand beat. It must've been him, since it had that effect on me. I might sms him another later, and hopefully he gets it. 11 years and he still melts me. Tyler said, "Time to move on?"
But I guess I am too much of a wuss to do so. I do not know if I am still in love with him. Or whatever. But he's still here. He still has that effect on me.
Happy Birthday, Love.

I don't know what happened.

2005-04-14T10:07:00.000+08:00

I am so darn sleepy but I still have some work to do. Ain't that sucks. I spent 10 minutes writing (okay, typing) for the first entry and it just vanished (BEFORE I could save it). I've finally decided not to go for the movie. I'd just apologize to Peter later.
I don't understand one thing, though. I answered a question but the answer appeared for the a different question. I must've messed up something. I am new at this anyway.
Hungry. Time to eat something (at last).

a peachy.

2005-04-14T09:10:00.000+08:00

<+littlelittle> u're back
<+littlelittle> sandman?
<@`Des> yeah... been awhile
<@`Des> yep.. to help with the insomnia
<+littlelittle> i think the problem might be psychological
<@`Des> can be rectified
<+littlelittle> hopefully
<@`Des> I s'pose you do have an idea as to the underlying cause
<+littlelittle> that's the thing. I don't, really.
<@`Des> could it be physiological then ?
<+littlelittle> could be both *sigh*
<@`Des> good way to lose weight tho'
<+littlelittle> but something's nagging. seriously nagging at my guts.
<+littlelittle> ah, rite. i've been losing major appetite
<@`Des> pain.... feeling... instinct..??
<+littlelittle> this isn't good, thou.
<@`Des> don't sound good alright
<+littlelittle> because i don't lose appetite. not with foods.
<+littlelittle> so when i do, there's got to be some major screw up
<@`Des> depression maybe?
<+littlelittle> i'm afraid to even utter the word
<@`Des> gawd! sound suspiciously like it
<@cOLesLow_sEpihrOth^_^> zzzzzz
<@`Des> you could try borrowing some of cOLesLow_sEpihrOth^_^ 's zzzzzzz :p
<+littlelittle> you're scaring me
<@`Des> I'm sorry lil'
<@`Des> but it does sound bad tho'
* +littlelittle sighs
<+littlelittle> and if u notice my obsession with the word 'little'
<@`Des> has it anything to do with recent happenings ?
<+littlelittle> i used it more than a hundred times for my nicks already
<+littlelittle> i am not really sure. that's the thing.
<+littlelittle> i can't really figure it out.
<@`Des> shows how low your self esteem has gotten :(
<+littlelittle> aih~
<+littlelittle> i'm scared now
<@`Des> chin up lil' ... it can't get any lower. Just believe in yourself
<+littlelittle> thanks. you're a peach. it can, thou. but i'd rather not dwell on that
<@`Des> time's a great healer
<+littlelittle> i s'pose.
< +littlelittle> hope it helps.
<@`Des> so how d'you kill those waking hours ?
<+littlelittle> i read. i play with my little yellow ball. watch tv. i do all sorts of things i can find in my room.
<+littlelittle> but i never did get to do the one thing i wanted to do. re-decorate.
<@`Des> good way to distract'em thoughts I'd say
<@`Des> how'd you plan on the decor ?
<+littlelittle> yeah. i just wish i could really get around to decorating.
<+littlelittle> i have no idea as yet. my room's darn small. and i mean small.
<@`Des> hmm.. you can prolly start with moving furnitures ;)
<+littlelittle> can't do. the arrangement at the moment is the best i could get to have some free space.
<@`Des> renting eh?
<+littlelittle> yerp
<+littlelittle> that's another depressing thought.
<@`Des> urg! I know how it is
<@`Des> what's the charges like ?
<+littlelittle> little less reasonable
<+littlelittle> but it's okay.
<@`Des> if it's near your place of work then that would make up for it
<+littlelittle> it's near the college. as you know, it takes the priority.
<@`Des> mhmm
<+littlelittle> otherwise mom would kill me
<+littlelittle> and then bring me back to clean up the mess. haha.
<@`Des> thought you're on semester break now?
<+littlelittle> we dont actually have semester break.
<@`Des> oh..ok
<+littlelittle> heh.
<@`Des> gets kinda confusing after a while :p
<+littlelittle> desy: i know. that's why most times i dont bother talking to others abt college.

That was as far as it got. And then I got distracted. I am very bad at keeping a conversation going. Neat.

It rains.

2005-04-14T08:56:00.000+08:00

It's raining now. I've been sitting in front of the computer for.. 4 hours 7 minutes and 45 seconds. 46.. 47.. 48... 49.. 50.. 51.. 52.. 53.. 54.. 55.. 56.. 57.. 58.. 59.. and 5 Hours!!
Big deal. I just realised that I have a more serious sleeping problem. Lately. Maybe Psychological. Or maybe it's just the hormones. I realised I am afraid to go to sleep at night. Not afraid, afraid. More like, I feel like if I go to sleep, I'd miss out on something huge. Something major. Talk about paranoid.
I still have some major re-decorating job to do with my room. I am not even halfway through. I have to find out what exactly is it that I have been so darn busy with that I am not getting enough sleep yet not getting any work done either. JJ said I should go see a shrink. Actually, he said, "I think you should seek some help." Which sounds worse. To me, that is. A friend suggested seeking the sandman to help with my insomnia. I do have great friends after all.

seriously.

2005-04-14T07:43:00.000+08:00

I gave up on the photos. Adk was giving me ajaran sesat. I tried for a while but it just won't work with me. So whatever.

My Results

2005-04-14T07:18:00.000+08:00

Extraversion
Some people like lots of stimulation; they want people around them, activity and excitement, whilst others prefer to be able to focus on things in a calm and quiet environment. Most people prefer a blend of the two extremes and your answers suggest that you are quite comfortable in either situation. You can probably cope with things being a bit hectic or a bit quiet but, like most people, you may find extremes in either direction uncomfortable or annoying.

Confidence
Some people make decisions very easily and tend not to worry about them before or afterwards while, at the other extreme, some people are so careful and cautious that the decisions never get made! Taking a cautious approach can be a good thing (do you want to fly with a pilot that is so free from worry and concern that she never checks her controls and instruments and doesn't bother to communicate with air-traffic control?) and you seem to have described yourself as someone who does tend to be quite cautious and careful. This can be very important in detailed work or areas were mistakes can have a major cost although you may find yourself avoiding risks and many cautious people wish they were bolder.

Openness
While some people like experimenting with new things and ideas, others prefer traditional methods and taking a very practical approach to problems.
Your answers suggest that you may be reluctant at times to consider new approaches and ways of doing things, but that you understand the value of tried and proven methods and of lessons that have already been learnt.

Agreeableness
Most people want to be able to get on with others but to some it is the most important thing in the world, whilst others are quite happy to upset someone else if it means that things get done.
Your answers suggest that you can be firm with people when you need to be but that getting on with others is still important to you. Like most people you would rather avoid conflict but are not prepared to put up with being treated badly by others.

Conscientiousness
Some people like everything to be well planned, tidy and organised, whilst others prefer to deal with things as they come up and appear to work in absolute chaos.
Your answers suggest that you don't like having things too structured or being tied down and you can cope quite well without having to have everything organised. This may make it hard to find things at times or for colleagues to know where you are or what you are doing, but you probably find coping with the unexpected (the things your colleagues didn't plan for!) easier than many.